8:09 a.m. - 2009-01-31
Well, that was a bit of a shitstorm, eh?
I can't write. I want to write something but I can't.

Yes, just a blank slate for a mind.

Yesterday I was harsh in my judgement. I wonder why that is? I wonder why I am so harsh sometimes. Yet I feel the same way about it. I have no problem if one has a large family the old-fashioned way, or how about adoption? ( Oh, and the farm reference is from the pre-Industrial Revolution age, of an agrarian society, where lots of manpower was needed to run a farm and when infant and child mortality was high. So people had large, large families, as a facet of survival.)

We are a judgemental species. We had to make judgements to survive, way back in time. We judge and are judged. Sometimes we hurt, sometimes we are hurt. What's it all about? Hardwiring, I suppose.

Right now, I have anxieties. I feel that I am not living up to what people want me to be. That I don't meet expectations. I feel pressure to change. Or something. Or to feel bad because I am not conforming better to what it the ideal of the time is. I am so far off from that, I wonder how I even got here.

I'm not sure where I am going...

Cavalry - Apache