5:13 p.m. - 2008-09-11
It is still surreal...
To me, 9/11 will always be surreal. To paraphrase David Letterman, if I live to be 1000 years, I will never be able to understand this thing.

In the years since, I've been able to be somewhat flip about it, in terms of how to combat terrorism. Like as in "Feed them and get them laid." But really I don't know what to believe or do about it. I know that in my world, terrorism is cowardly. Yet in other people's worlds, WE are the terrorists. Their terrorists are heroes and martyrs to them. I can't believe that. Yet there are aberrations in every thing. Well, now here is where I really wish that I had a better command of the language. I know, let's try to elucidate my feelings by going to list form.

1. I love this country. I get to be here, I get to live here. I get to have FifiLand, I get to have a family, I get to walk about wherever I want to, I have the freedom from fear. I do not take this lightly.

2. The Amercan people by-and-large are huge-hearted, hardworking people with vast reserves of goodwill. I have found that if you give a person here even the fagment of a chance to do some good, they will. Almost every time.

3. I know that to have a huge country, in this dangerous world, with all of its frailties and misunderstandings, a military force is a must. Many a military is made up of young people. Young people can make mistakes, can let emotion rule.

4. I have never, EVER known of a military campaign of this country to be maliciously planning to kill as many people as possible for some obscure ideology.

5. I don't feel competent to comment on the Iraq war. I feel, this is only my opinion, that I have and continued to struggle with. I do not believe that the reasons that were presented as the justification for the Iraq war were completely transparent. I feel that it was started over a sense of filial duty or competition on one hand, and oil, on the other. BUT, I know from first-hand experience how very inportant it is to a country to protect its citizens from harm and danger.

6. So when Americans say that America is a terrorist, I feel torn and shredded. Honestly, I feel a sense of outrage and disbelief. I don't know one single malicious person!! Then again, I AM rahther clueless, not that I am proud of it. But then again, I also know that governments can make mistakes.

7. So while I still struggle with this, I am encouraged to see that each person can safely and freely express their opinions of this and every matter without fear of retaliation, be it upon themselves or their families. Again, I am profoundly grateful.

Well, apparently this is even more complicated than I had realised. I could take the easy way out, delete this and put up some fluff, but that it not my way. I fear that I shall anger some, and that is not my intention. On this solemn day, I grieve for those lost, those left behind. I admire the bravery. I admit humbly to my failings. I find my own scrap of bravery to admit that I am still confused, buffeted by the feelings and thoughts, all valid, of all who freely speak. I am mortified that I am not stronger, nor more intelligent than who I am.

I can only wish that when I was gone, I can be remembered as someone who participated, and as someone who loved. Unreservedly.

Cavalry - Apache