8:58 a.m. - 2011-03-12
Aw, maaaaan...
I wanted to write about this last night, but it was still too new and freaky.

I'll just blurt it all out...

So we had a practice for tomorrow's benefit last night. We took this woman, what shall I call her. N. I have written about her, she is the one who bashes her husband nonstop. I simply can't approve of that in anyone.

I called to let her know that we were on the way to pick her up and she wasn't even home, but...I told her husband that we'd come over anyway and if she couldn't be bothered to be home, then she could get to practice on her own. Which really wasn't difficult at all. We just carpool to be friendly and perhaps make a difference to the Earth. She really needed to practice, as she was totally a weak player on the 4th of the month's benefit.

Well, she hopped in the car, and began the Litany of Hatred. Finally I said, and these are my exact words "N, with love and friendship, I have to ask you to stop saying hateful things about D. He is my friend, and it is very painful to hear." Calmly. I had thought that after a year and a half, I really ought to speak up.

Well...

She fuhREAKed out in a major way! She kept it up and Ned and I had to keep asking her (very calmly) to stop. And she wouldn't stop and she WOULDN'T stop, and she was crying and arguing and accusing and etc. Ned and I agreed that the best response was no response and Ned put on soothing music.

Well, we got to practice, and Biba burst into tears as soon as she stepped out of the car, so I comforted her, and her good friends were there, so she perked right up. (I am keeping a VEREE vigilant eye on her for trauma...more on that later.) I went back to see if N was coming in, and she was in the fetal position in the back seat of the car. Also saying that she quit, and that she wasn't going to play on Sunday.

YIKES! I must say, I was quite horriefied at the reaction. (Is that normal? It seems that she must be quite Unwell. Perhaps I am wrong about that...)

Well, I felt that I ought to explain to everyone what had happened and I apologised (probbo far too many times) but everyone was quite understanding. P, who is leading this, said "She is an adult, and she should know what behaviour is appropriate and what is not. Now lets go re-tool the set list and move forward." He was thee nicest.

Still I felt bad. But Ned said that what basically had happened was that I had pointed out a very appropriate boundary, and then N had had a huge temper tantrum in reaction.

Now here is the worst part...my confession. Although I am absolutely horrified at what I inadvertently unleashed...I feel nothing but contempt, impatience and revulsion for N and her behaviour. I SUCK!!! Where is my compassion!? But I can't seem to forget that she totally traumafied Biba. It is not a matter of forgiveness, there is nothing to forgive. But I feel veree guarded about her now.

I shall never be a saint.

But I know that time will make this but a memory...

Biba is now upstairs back in bed. She didn't feel well at all this morning, but it could have been a late night, or also it could have been that she's caught whatever has been floating around...

Oh m'GOSH! Ned is on the telephone inquiring about violin lessons for Biba! N. is her violin teacher...

Ned is the best. He hasn't said much, but I think that I see a Daddy Bear in action. He is protecting his cub...

This is a bit later...

Ned and just I talked a bit. He said that we won't belabour the point, but if Biba asks...to say that what I did was to stand up for what I believed in. And when we do that, we run the risk of unexpected reactions, and we try to balance that out the best that we can. but if we are defending a friend, then it can't be a bad thing. Ned said that I was not unkind, that I was firm, which was appropriate.

Ned is thee best. How did I get so lucky...

Cavalry - Apache