11:01 a.m. - 2011-02-19
With friends like these...
I was thinking...which, I know, is a tough thing for me...but...

A writer's block question that I answered got me to thinking. Because of two things...

First off, I don't usually publicly swear like that. That was sort of amazing, when you think of it. Lotta rage, there, Harv...lot of rage...

Parenting by my peers is usually inept at best, and I realise that I am being horribly judgemental, but let it be known, I deffo question my own parenting as well.

Biba is the most precious gift, and I am so, soooo grateful for that, and I am responsible for her. It is a privilege, and I am grateful for it, which is why I don't want to foul her up for life. I am her parent first, then her friend. A wise person noted that their definition of friend may differ from mine. That may be true.

If I gave Biba everything that she wanted, no questions asked, if I bent and broke all of the rules for her, if I let her dictate everything, if nothing ever was denied her and she always was Number One, I would not be being a friend. I'd deffo be behaving on the subversive side.

To be Biba's friend, I, AND I may be way off base here, (Let's do List Form...)

1. Make certain that she has a solid structure , that she knows if X, then Y, every time. She can know what to expect.

2. Make sure that I teach her how to live by rules, and when to break the rules.

3. Make sure that she learns compassion and consideration for others.

4. Make sure to teach her how to contribute, to be a giver as well as a taker.

5. Make sure that every opportunity that I see to make learning fun, I take, whether or not it is more work for me.

6. Teach her "Win some, lose some," and Easy come, easy go." Teach her how to roll with the punches.

7. Teach her by example what loving, caring life looks like, how to treat others with caring and respect.

8. Teach her why sometimes winning is not the point, that participating is the reward.

9. Teach her about the long-term investments of time, about having patience.

10. Teach her to be open to the love and joy of life that is all around us.

11. Teach her to be honest, even when it is the more difficult path.

12. Give her security, so that she can develop the confidence to be herself in all situations. to value who she is. To let her know that she is loved, at all times.

I sound awfy self-righteous, and I really don't feel that way. Biba makes parenting a lot easier. She soaks up learning and uses it. She asks the most amazing, fun questions.

Another thing that I try to do always is to explain the "why" of things. Why we are doing this, why that happened etc. I never got much of that, and I really think that it would have made life a bit easier.

I deffo try to do my best for Biba, even showing her that Mums need time as solo human units. I tell her that when she is a Mum, I don't want her to end up feeling like a personal slave. Serving is good, but giving only and never taking, that doesn't work.

Well, this is a bit muddled, but I did want to say that I am a friend to Biba, but not in the indulgent way, not in the "I'm a kid as well, I'll be JUST like you!" way. By parenting carefully and thoughtfully, and by being her parent first, I am being her friend.

The (self-righteous, much, Fifi?) End.

Cavalry - Apache