9:23 a.m. - 2009-01-11
Gads, what a mess!
I really ought to be working and getting things done, but I am tense and somewhat stressed by some recent events and I think that if I wrote them out perhaps I'll be able to stop worrying them over.

First off, due to some convoluted circumstances, we were invited some weeks ago to a gala of an organisation with whom we no longer participate. It was actually in honour of someone that Ned knew, though, so we thought that that might have been the reason. So we went.

It was disturbing. We were not actually a shock, I don't think, but clearly, some people were not altogether pleased to see us. Everyone was composed etc. and there were no brawls, but I seriously think that this might have been a mistaken invitation or else one of those things that couldn't be helped. You know, send it out and hope that they decline.

Well, something that really disturbed me was the way that the org lied, really lied to a major donor about where their money was going. (I know, don't ask me how I know, but I do know this.) There have been many questions about where certain monies had gone in the past, and that in itself was most distressing, you know to not see any evidence of corrections on that part. No, no, we weren't going over their books or anything, this was a physical project that has not yet materialised. After many years. However, I do understand how things take time. Another organisation that I am a part of has the same sort of questions now and then and what they do is to send out a letter to all of the donors apologising for the delays, and a financial statement showing that the monies are still in the designated fund. It is usually a case of manpower or time not permitting.

Argh. What still bothers me is that the donor in question at the gala is not as well off as most of the others. The donation is sincere but the designation is not and I just wish that there were some way to actually make it happen. It is more complicated than that, but I can't get into it it without scrambling my own brains. And what can I do?

Another thing that bothers me, and this is my own fault, is a trainwreck that I read. Not my Formerly Fav-o-riffic one, she had become too ghastly for words. This one is sleeping with someone's husband and trying to romanticise it to a grand and glorious love affair. Love has nothing to do with it. He is also sleeping with other women.
Why does a woman take such pride in sleeping with another's husband? One-up-man-ship? Because I can't see where she wins. All time with her is stolen. It that the thrill? Sneaking away, skulking about...what is the attraction? The impossibility of it all? She writes of how they have this true love, that his poor wife doesn't have (Ha-ha to her, I suppose) when basically it is a rahther lengthy roll in the hay. She writes of their future together and how wonderful it will be, completely oblivious to that fact that if he actually does leave his wife, the chances of him marrying her (other woman) are very slim. And faithfullnes to her? Hah! She will now be the cheated-on wife, and since she clearly knows the score (in his mind) she will get even less respect than the first wife.

Other Women, your stolen lovers don't WANT the fairytale that you think that you are on the way to achieving. They want some woman who will let them bang away and feel like the did when they were younger and really didn't have all of the responsibilities that they do now. An escape, with a physical release. And it doesn't hurt to have someone look at him as if he is faultless, the way that he may feel that he actually is. Because reality and responsibility don't intrude here to ruin things. You may write about how the love in his eyes for you, only you, overwhelms you and makes you cry, but he is most likely wondering if he can get you to ge up and make him a sarnie, and why oh why is the silly bitch weeping yet again.

Why is it so impossible to see the futility of the situation? I know, because of the small statistic of those who actually do manage to marry their lover. Of course there is a price to pay. Don't even think of depending on him for support, as that money will all go to his first family, and you will just be scraping by. I'd imagine that that would take the wind from the sails of romance.

Yes, I sound awfy judgemental, and I suppose that I am. But it seems that nobody wins in the situation. I hate to see people wasting their time and getting needlessly hurt---that applies to all parties. I mention the husband/other woman sitch here because that is the one that I am reading. And I imagine that the men actually do feel pain and stress. Why is it worth all of that? Is it? But who am I to say if it is indeed time wasted? I think that I just wish that I understood it all, that I could make some sense of it, see some saving grace.

Bah, I've been reading too much crap. What I need is a huge load of hard physical labor. I think that I can manage that! But first a shower and a wee bit walk with the small ones.

Cavalry - Apache