See Fifi!
8:22 p.m. - 2008-12-18
I eye aye ai-yi-yi
I did actually try to write an entry yesterday but I was all wah wah wah and I didn't want anyone to have to ring the whahmbulance. I don't like to complain, I think. Perhaps I do, though actually.
I...what? What do I do? I ruminate in and on and of myself these days. I read the journals of others who have horrible troubles. I read the news. I wonder what catastrophe is going to befall us. I cling to order and routine. I get stomache aches and headaches. I try to ignore them. I think about eating ice cream. I don't though. Can't quite muster up the energy. Or something...I wonder if the world is actually indeed going to hell in a handbasket. I smile at that expression. I wonder if I am losing my mind. I think of the greed and swindles and I think of the Great Depression. I worry that this time, this one might make that one look like a trip to the sweets shop. I read trashy novels. I attempt to read Modern Literature. I get bogged down in that. I give up. I give myself stern yet encouraging lectures. I weep on the ways to and from Orkplace. I try to define what is troubling me. I wonder if it is normal to be such a worrier. I laugh inside when Biba confides to me that she is worried about tapeworms. I steer her through that morass and think "Hey, there is something that I can do!" I think about the talents and gifts that I have been given. Even though they aren't the ones that I might have chosen, I realise and feel grateful for the fact that I am making really the most of them. They aren't sparkly and shiny but they do quite well. I decide 'What the Hell! Things can't be that bad, after all that!" and I really believe it. I feel grateful for my health. I feel grateful that I realised (I know, can you imagine! I didn't even realise it until this time!!) that one can just go right to a bank and apply money to one's credit card, even though the bill hasn't come in yet. ( Sometimes dawn breaks a bit later on this particular horizon). I have rare moments of great understanding. I have hope.
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