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9:32 p.m. - 2007-11-15
Pee Ess I'm drunk again...
Ach, what a tiring day. Much better than yesterday. I accidentally got a dear friend to donate to the fundraiser. (Is that spelt right? Seems off somehow...) It will be delicious! I was with Spot and well things got silly, AND I was holding a book of porno the whole time. That fairytale crap.

So. So sometimes it bothers me a bit when people want to stop me and have lovely conversations, just out of the blue. If I don't actually know who the person is, well... and I will sound an ungrateful git, won't I? It's just that it is truly impossible to keep track of all the people whom one has met under whatever situations. It's hard to explain.

I simply adore walking Spot or bimbling about (Hallo, Anna!) and meeting up with somebody unexpectedly and having a chat. Or a spontaneous party. I adore knowing people and knowing that there is somebody always there. (I'M INCOHERENT) BUT---there are so many people whom I haven't the slightest idea of who they actually are, and they stop me and have these meaningful conversations...at first I thought that I had a doppleganger, but no, it turns out that it is me. And it isn't always just the music that they know me from. So why can't I remember them? Why are there so many? How long will I be able to keep faking it, as if I remember them and all that? Because of course they matter, we all matter! But I'd have to say that at least eighty per cent of the time I have absolutely no idea of whom it is that I am speaking to. I know that it isn't Alzheimer's...Perhaps I am just ungrateful. Perhaps I am just loony.

See, I told you that I was going to sound a git. I mean I do adore being a walking party, but sometimes it gets a bit frustrating. Well, I ought to just belt up and be grateful for what I do have. Oh, cats, I think that I've just worked it all out. I seem to want to have it all, on my terms. Well, that's silly, is it not? It could be that I am just confused and that I feel a fraud and guilty when I simply really don't actually know who it is. And what it is that I am supposed to be giving. Or doing. Or something. Isn't it nice to have such trivial troubles?

Now, what I really, really want and perhaps need is some lovely new lingerie. Except that I am this odd size so that I have to have things custom made, for the most part. Or else shop at the Cheesy Porn Star Warehouse. Which I Will Not Do! But I really want some new ones, just for fun!


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Listening to : Shonen Knife, Joss Stone, and an 80s mix

Thinking: I am so petty. And drunk.

Overheard: "Who says I wanna hump a science dude?"

Cavalry - Apache

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